Tears

Today I break my record..... memorable day? Cried for an hour non stop for u ...... Really like an idiot..... I am a male.....zzzzzzzzzzzz

What can I do? Nothing!

Once again, you choose what you want and ignored me. Job -1st, Lover- 2nd.  The situation absolutely the same with the incident happened few months ago. I am in second place again. Disappointment + sadness is inevitable. Unless there is a gun pointing to your head, if not I don't believe that anything or anyone can stop your desire to quit. Problem is you don't have such desire at all.  Wonder is it if I putting you too high? Or perceive my self-worth above the value that you think? You have confiscated my hopes, my joy, my happiness...... easy tasks you also cant make it for me...Already many many times.... why keep repeating ......... What I did wrong actually?  what if i want more than this? I not dare.  Just can treat myself is dreaming all the ways. Happy moment really wont be too long, God you are selfish. Seriously, except my family, you are the only meaning for my life. Others things I just treat them as rubbish if someone wants me to compare he or she as to you. I can ignore everyone and everything as long as to make sure you are happy with me. This called true love. But you? Every time I ask a small request from you, you also give me billions of reason to reject me. When you can ignored everything and just focus on me? So hard??? Last semester, while exam I sicked until faint, if not I think i can do better, really less of 0.01point to get the Dean List. Turn to the next semester, same thing happen. This kind of tragedy maybe can even worsen my result. Maybe ... maybe... you already clear about that I wont leave you cause of this... ya..... I wont! However, if one day I feel you really meaningless to me anymore, I can leave you directly. There is always a limit, when I really cant withstand what can do is just let go....... This is not the thing that I want of course but trust me, I can do it if the feel already faded due to so much of this kind of incidents. Tiring me99 as well.